Humble Pie

So it's all about perspective.

And sometimes perspective is hard to maintain within the first few weeks of having a baby. And sometimes our perspective is tainted by our past experiences, bad attitudes, and let's face it, the Enemy loves to mess up our perspective. I get attacked there often. And since my last post, I'm ready to fight again for my God-focused perspective.

Honestly, my perspective on Ava in the previous post was shadowed by my experience with Riley - who was a difficult, colicy baby. I believe Ava is a normal baby with normal fussiness and normal crying (though her cry is quite loud, which Riley calls the "mad cry"). Now, we all have seasons that are hard and so I'm offering myself grace for the last few weeks, and my feelings during this time were valid, as I really was feeling them. But with my body and schedule and life adjusting to 2 kids and now my mind being able to process and hear what the Lord is showing me, I can say with gladness that I don't think Ava is such a difficult baby.

God has showed me that I can do this, that there will be hard days when I doubt everything around me and let the tears flow, but that the big picture of parenting 2 kids - the 2 kids He gave me - is not only possible, but rewarding and fulfilling and successful. But just as my kids are growing and learning, so am I - which is actually comforting to me. I can learn as we go. I can understand the temper tantrums, the fear, the reluctance to change, the desire to just play and not face responsibility - because I've felt it and sometimes their behaviors help me feel it even more! :)

We're settling into life. Ava is a second child and she will most likely cry more because she will have to wait for things (sorry, second child - I'll do my best to beat this stereotype, but there is some truth to it). And hopefully, sweet Ava, you'll be better for it - maybe it will be easier to learn patience, flexibility, grace and independence. Things that some first borns (i.e. Riley) have some difficulty learning. :) God gave us the personalities in our family for many reasons and I'd like to believe that one reason is to help each of us learn from the other, to be in situations where we are faced with a choice - and may we practice choosing godliness and grace and love.

I love my kids. And God is teaching me so much about Himself and about myself through them. Parenting is a humbling experience. We don't always know what we're doing. But we have to trust that God gave us the wisdom we desperately ask for. And He will continue to give grace and strength in the moments when it seems overwhelming. But I'm grateful for the quiet moments that also exist that remind me that life won't always be like this - my kids will grow up and I will miss these days (I keep telling myself that because I can't say I fully believe it at this point).

Each day gets a little better, a little brighter as we learn just a little bit more...