Trusting and waiting...

I'm learning a lot about trust lately.

We're moving to Illinois in about 2 weeks. We still have not sold our house and do not have any sense of someone wanting to buy our house. We had a potential lease/purchase deal that fell through the end of last week. We were disappointed in this because we truly felt that God had provided this family as an answer to our prayers and He provided our house as an answer to their prayers. It seemed that both families felt a godly sense of peace. And then something happened on their end and they had to back out. We understand and feel sad for what they are currently going through, and at the same time, we were left with big confusion on our end. We felt that God had made this quite clear to us through several confirmations - and now we were facing that fact that it wasn't an option anymore.

So back to square one.

Questions arose of our understanding God's plan and His faithfulness. Did we misread God? Did our own emotions and control take over, even when we felt that they hadn't? Why would He allow us to get so close and to feel His leading only to allow it to fall apart?

And yet, all through this newfound information, I had a weird combination of feeling a sense of calm peace that it would be okay and a bit of anxiety of understanding how at the same time.

Again, another great devotional chapter by Alicia Britt Chole that started with this sentence...

"Have you ever felt confused about God's faithfulness?"

Um, yes, I'm listening, Lord...

"The writers of the Bible - who knew trouble and hardship in this world firsthand - unanimously confirm that God can be trusted, relied on, and believed in: He is a faithful God.

Moses proclaims, "The Lord your God is God..."

That statement rang in my ears for many moments. God is God. GOD is God. God IS God. God is GOD. This is what I am learning. God is God and He can do what He wants and what He sees fit, even if my merely human mind cannot understand or like it. It doesn't take away His sovereignty, His promise that He has a plan that is my hope and future and for His glory. And because He sees the bigger picture and knows how the story ends, all I can do - truly, ALL I CAN DO is trust Him.

Yet He made me an emotional person (especially now since I'm pregnant with a girl!!) and He understands that I am as a sheep. But if I truly trust, I need to, like Abraham, be willing to walk up the mountain expecting to sacrifice my son, knowing that if it is in my best interests, God will provide the lamb at the last minute. But I don't want to walk up the mountain grumbling and complaining the whole way - that takes the focus off Him and on me. I somehow am finding joy in the waiting, in the expectation that He is faithful and will provide the way.

"Because of the Lord's great love WE ARE NOT CONSUMED..." - Lamentations 3:22

"... suffering did not invalidate God's faithfulness; suffering is where they experienced God's faithfulness. We become confused because we falsely believe that the purpose of God's faithfulness is to prevent loss, shield us from all harm, and protect us from disappointment. But the writers of the Bible saw evidence of God's faithfulness not in their comfort level or circumstances but in God's constant companionship: God was with them - through the trials, first and aches of life.... The faithfulness of God does not exist to keep us free from pain but to keep us focused on the path toward heaven. His faithfulness is not concentrated on the superficial or temporary. God has an eternal agenda: to faithfully guide our souls - through the suffering, loss, conflict, and pain of this world - into his everlasting arms."

Amen and Amen. Thank you Lord for growing me and for giving me joy during the questions of waiting. I rest in YOU - for You promised to never leave me or forsake me. And You began this great work of moving us to Chicago, You will not stop working now... I give us again to You...