Just what am I hunting for...

Do you ever feel like saying, Lord, haven't I learned enough?

So we have been looking for houses, i.e. house hunting, for a few months now. And I have to say, I thought it would be simpler, faster and more fun. :) Yet, like many things in our lives, there is more than meets the eye. And just like God, this process has been the breeding ground for lesson after lesson of trust, patience, contentment, wisdom and being Kingdom-minded.

I have probably visited about 50 houses. Granted, we knowingly have a low budget, even in this buyer-friendly market. But we are trying to be frugal and wise in our finances, having the house budget be ONE of the things we spend our money on, not THE thing we spend our money on. And with Ryan's salary changing to primarily commission, well, we were financially conservative before and are even more so now. So we want a house that has space, but that doesn't change our current finances too much. Living in Chicagoland makes it a bit tricky, but not impossible, right?

We firmly believe that a home is a place where ministry happens, which I think is our primary desire in wanting more space. We want to open our home/lives up to parties, playdates, Bible Studies, groups of people. We want to have a comfortable space that encourages authenticity and security, especially as Riley and Ava grow up. And we thought that all signs were pointing to that happening now because the market is at a place where you can get more house for the money. If we were living in Chicagoland a few years ago, we wouldn't even be shopping, so the fact that we are even looking at 50 houses is a blessing.

But it hasn't felt like a blessing lately. Admittedly, this has been a discouraging process. We either see house after house that would take too much time, work and money to fix up OR we see a house we like and it's sold before we can put in an offer. We have learned about ourselves and about our marriage and about our expectations. We have felt almost every emotion during these months. With those emotions comes questioning what God is doing and why He is allowing this process to take so long when we have thought that our motivation for wanting a house was God-honoring...

A couple days ago I read these verses that I think came straight from the Lord and I can't get them out of my head...

"My thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways My ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways and thoughts higher than yours." - Isaiah 55:8-9

Sometimes, even without meaning to, I get sidetracked of thinking what I would think would be what God wants... I think how great it would be to have a story to tell about how we found our house or what we would do with the house or how we prayed and God answered so obviously... and how that would all glorify the Lord. And sometimes that truly is the case (like in our journey of moving to IL). BUT, sometimes it's not that way and God's purposes cannot be seen or felt or assumed. What do I do when that happens? Does my faith change because the certainty and the warm fuzzies are not present? If what I want doesn't happen, do I still choose to trust, even if everything around me may point to settling or giving up? When it doesn't make sense, do I sulk or do I choose to praise?

Maybe we haven't found a house yet because the house isn't ready for us or neighbors we live near now need an encouraging word or maybe God wants to work on our contentment a little more or maybe the reason is never to be known. But it doesn't (or shouldn't) matter. I have put my trust in the God who created the universe. I believe He is sovereign. I believe that He is for me and delights in me. And if the door has not opened for a house, then I need to continue waiting patiently. And as a friend said to me, focus on the heavenly home that Jesus is preparing for me, with many rooms. And when I focus on that, while my desire is to continue looking for houses, my attitude is more of a God-hunt than a house-hunt. I have so much to be thankful for, I have shelter and a warm home that I do not want to take for granted. I am not in a hurry. I want to enjoy life and the means to joy is not a house or anything material.

Lord-willing, we will eventually find a house. But in the mean time, I am being trained to trust my God and to rest in His plans for my life, even if I don't understand them or don't always like them. He is God. And I am His child. And I am commanded to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength..." (Deut. 6:5), which includes my mind and everything in me, my life and my energy, my "muchness" (thank you Colin Smith) and possessions and what God gives me - or doesn't give me.

"... I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want..." - Phil. 4:11-12