The Word is enough...

Easter is one of my most favorite times of year. It is the time of year that gives me the reason for Hope, for Faith, for Love. It's also Spring, which is such a beautiful and needed change from winter's frenzy and cabin fever.

Riley is getting older and starting to ask questions about God and faith and it's fun and exciting to watch him process what we learn at home and church and why we go to church and how believing in God affects everything we do.

For a few days now, I've been trying to plan some fun and meaning activity to do with the kids on Good Friday to be able to connect them to the amazing and life-giving hope we have because Jesus died on the Cross for us. As we were talking about Good Friday earlier in the week, Riley asked "Does Jesus die every Friday?" Hmmm... We have more talking to do... :) but I love the honest and literal understanding and I wanted some activity to explore that a little more. But each idea I read either sounded above or below Riley and up until the afternoon of Good Friday, I had no idea what we were going to do to set this day apart from other Fridays.

So as we were getting ready to head out to the park after quiet time, Ryan and I decided to just read the story from the kids' Bible. So we got back and Ryan read. Riley listened quietly (which is a success in and of itself!), while Ava fed me her apple and did "cheers!" with our water glasses. As we were talking about the reason that Jesus died was to save us from going to hell, Riley was engaged. As soon as we started talking about hell, he started crying. We told him that if we believe that Jesus is God and ask Him to forgive us for all the bad things we've done and we choose to love Him, we will go to heaven. We literally watched him as he started to process this. It took several minutes and he needed time to think about it without us looking at him. So we said we would draw pictures about the story we read and about what Jesus means to us. As we did so, Riley said he wanted to talk more. He didn't understand why people would go to hell. And he was scared of hell. And we told him that people who don't love God, who choose not to love God go to hell, he seemed confused and said, "you mean some people don't want to love God?" And then he said, "But I love God." And we told him that was all it took, that Jesus died to give us this gift so that we could go to heaven and experience His love - and all we had to do was accept His gift and believe that He is the only God and then live like we love God, which means obeying and following Him.

As I was then putting dinner on the table, Riley said to me, "I already told Daddy this but, when I had my head under the pillow, I asked Jesus to live in my heart." And we told Riley that the angels were in heaven dancing and partying. Thank You Lord God.

What a reminder that it's not necessarily in the activities or the right presentation, but simply in the Word of God that will connect people to Him. We will continue to pray that as Riley and Ava grow older, that God will continually call them to Himself, because it is He who changes and softens our hearts.

I will never forget the look of joy on Riley's face as he realized that Jesus would die on a Cross so that he could live with God forever. And may I live with the tear-filled concern that Riley has, now still days later, for people who are not going to heaven. Thank You Lord for sacrificing Your Son, for taking our sin and our pain and our guilt on Yourself so that we would have Hope and Peace and Love and Joy and Eternity in Your Holy Presence. And as I heard on the radio today, why would God do this for us? Why come up with this extreme plan to save the souls of man?

Because it's just who God is.

A future in baseball??

Some baseball fun over Christmas in Pennsylvania.

It was a close game, but I think it ended in a tie... :)

Just what am I hunting for...

Do you ever feel like saying, Lord, haven't I learned enough?

So we have been looking for houses, i.e. house hunting, for a few months now. And I have to say, I thought it would be simpler, faster and more fun. :) Yet, like many things in our lives, there is more than meets the eye. And just like God, this process has been the breeding ground for lesson after lesson of trust, patience, contentment, wisdom and being Kingdom-minded.

I have probably visited about 50 houses. Granted, we knowingly have a low budget, even in this buyer-friendly market. But we are trying to be frugal and wise in our finances, having the house budget be ONE of the things we spend our money on, not THE thing we spend our money on. And with Ryan's salary changing to primarily commission, well, we were financially conservative before and are even more so now. So we want a house that has space, but that doesn't change our current finances too much. Living in Chicagoland makes it a bit tricky, but not impossible, right?

We firmly believe that a home is a place where ministry happens, which I think is our primary desire in wanting more space. We want to open our home/lives up to parties, playdates, Bible Studies, groups of people. We want to have a comfortable space that encourages authenticity and security, especially as Riley and Ava grow up. And we thought that all signs were pointing to that happening now because the market is at a place where you can get more house for the money. If we were living in Chicagoland a few years ago, we wouldn't even be shopping, so the fact that we are even looking at 50 houses is a blessing.

But it hasn't felt like a blessing lately. Admittedly, this has been a discouraging process. We either see house after house that would take too much time, work and money to fix up OR we see a house we like and it's sold before we can put in an offer. We have learned about ourselves and about our marriage and about our expectations. We have felt almost every emotion during these months. With those emotions comes questioning what God is doing and why He is allowing this process to take so long when we have thought that our motivation for wanting a house was God-honoring...

A couple days ago I read these verses that I think came straight from the Lord and I can't get them out of my head...

"My thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways My ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways and thoughts higher than yours." - Isaiah 55:8-9

Sometimes, even without meaning to, I get sidetracked of thinking what I would think would be what God wants... I think how great it would be to have a story to tell about how we found our house or what we would do with the house or how we prayed and God answered so obviously... and how that would all glorify the Lord. And sometimes that truly is the case (like in our journey of moving to IL). BUT, sometimes it's not that way and God's purposes cannot be seen or felt or assumed. What do I do when that happens? Does my faith change because the certainty and the warm fuzzies are not present? If what I want doesn't happen, do I still choose to trust, even if everything around me may point to settling or giving up? When it doesn't make sense, do I sulk or do I choose to praise?

Maybe we haven't found a house yet because the house isn't ready for us or neighbors we live near now need an encouraging word or maybe God wants to work on our contentment a little more or maybe the reason is never to be known. But it doesn't (or shouldn't) matter. I have put my trust in the God who created the universe. I believe He is sovereign. I believe that He is for me and delights in me. And if the door has not opened for a house, then I need to continue waiting patiently. And as a friend said to me, focus on the heavenly home that Jesus is preparing for me, with many rooms. And when I focus on that, while my desire is to continue looking for houses, my attitude is more of a God-hunt than a house-hunt. I have so much to be thankful for, I have shelter and a warm home that I do not want to take for granted. I am not in a hurry. I want to enjoy life and the means to joy is not a house or anything material.

Lord-willing, we will eventually find a house. But in the mean time, I am being trained to trust my God and to rest in His plans for my life, even if I don't understand them or don't always like them. He is God. And I am His child. And I am commanded to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength..." (Deut. 6:5), which includes my mind and everything in me, my life and my energy, my "muchness" (thank you Colin Smith) and possessions and what God gives me - or doesn't give me.

"... I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want..." - Phil. 4:11-12

You did what??

I've long thought that a small nose ring looked cute and fun, and well, yes, cool. I've always thought it would be fun to do it, but mostly chickened out or worried what people would think if I did it.

That last reason has plagued me for years, not necessarily about the nose ring, per se, but in life in general. Caring what people think. Not wanting to be judged, misunderstood, disrespected, not liked. I've had ebbs and flows of this struggle, and surprisingly, it seems, for some reason, that it has been more on the forefront of my mind in the last year or so. It probably has to do with moving, it could be that I'm now in my mid-30's and a stay-at-home mom and maybe have less adult interaction, or it could simply be that I'm human and we seem to worry about these sorts of things.

I found lately, though, that my confidence in the Lord was being affected. My insecurities were more my focus than the truth that my God delights in me. My way of dealing with it was to try to control it better. To try harder to get over it. Pray about it, yes, but mostly talk myself out of it. And surprise, it wasn't working. When I do it that way, my insecurities grow. But when I do it God's way and focus on Him and depend on Him and learn of Him, my confidence grows. The peace that He gives, grows. When I trust in His delight and love for me, I can push aside those ugly thoughts of self-absorption, fear of man, and people-pleasing.

I've been learning much lately (always). And in talking to Ryan one night about all these lessons, I was saying how I wanted a physical reminder, an altar if you will, to point me back to Jesus in all things. And so the idea was born: my nose ring, for me, could be the altar I was looking for. So, after years of talking about it, I did it. I got my nose pierced.

I have pages upon pages in my journal of these lessons that will hopefully be life-changing lessons. But truthfully, I'm sure I'll struggle with one or two of them my entire lifetime. Sometimes I wonder if God allows those "thorns" so that we'll continually run back to Him. But these lessons are the reason I wanted my new covenant with the Lord to be physical. Just like I like to be reminded that I'm loved by Him, I look at the clock at 10:15 (my birthday - 10/15) and use that as my personal connection to the Lord, a reminder to check-in and a reminder that I am loved. It's amazing how many times I "happen" to look at the clock at exactly 10:15. Now some of the lessons are between me and my Lord, but just a few I wanted to share:

1. My confidence is in the Lord. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I can rest in who He made me to be. I can tend to be easily influenced by people around me. An interaction can make or break my mood. I long not to dwell on the negatives, but seek the Lord and give all those thoughts to Him instead of letting them circle in my head. As my dear friend, Katy, says, our thoughts can be like birds flying overhead. Some thoughts circle around, subtly land and rest in my mind, and before I know it, I'm stuck in a downward spiral of negative, sinful thoughts. I need to not let those thoughts build a nest in my mind, but I can shoo them away (throw out those negative, sinful thoughts). They may do several fly-by attempts, but I can do my part to not let them rest too long. We have to "fix our thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." (Phil. 4:8). I need not be pulled to and fro by people-pleasing, but instead, focus on pleasing the Lord. And I don't want to worry what others will think of me, if I'm living for Him, that is my concern. Some people may not like it, may not like me or my choices, but again, if I'm focusing on the Lord, what can mere man do to me?

2. That first lesson was tested right after said piercing of the nose. For some people didn't like it and didn't understand it and I felt judged and questioned. The first lesson was reaffirmed and another lesson evolved - this was a lesson I hadn't sought after, but God chose to soften my heart to the many people who must feel slighted or judged by the Church. It's hard to be different. It's hard to walk into a place (church) feeling like you stick out like a sore thumb. It's hard imagining that everyone who looks at you is displeased by you. This is not Truth. This is a lie of the Enemy who wants to destroy. But if we are not careful, we can all fall into this way of thinking. I want to make more of an effort to see those on the outside that may feel like they don't fit in or that people don't understand them. God loves all of us and does not show favoritism. And He did, indeed, make us unique and special, every one of us with worth and dignity. It's about grace - accepting it for myself and giving it to others.

3. Going along with that, I don't want to just fit the mold. I don't want my Christianity to become routine or just a lifestyle. This is not about rebelling against society, it's more about not giving into influence, feeling pressure to fit in and be like everyone else. Not just going through the motions of being a Christian because it's all I've ever known. But to declare myself different, because I am different. I'm not supposed to be like everyone else. We're all fearfully and wonderfully made, but I'm not necessarily like the person next to me. And I may have gifts or abilities that are different and God may use me differently so I shouldn't think I need to be like everyone else. I long to live out the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) but not for my own benefit or my own recognition, but for His glory and purpose. I want less of me, more of Him. And sometimes, that means being a little different.

I have a scar on the left side of my nose from when I was a baby. So I was naturally thinking of drawing attention away from that by piercing the right side. Honestly and naively, I had never heard of meanings for the sides of the nose and maybe should have researched that a bit beforehand. BUT I think God used even that. As the man who pierced me was getting ready with the needle on my nose, he told me that in India, girls who were forced to be sex-slaves were forced to have the right side of their noses pierced as a means of branding. Um, wait, I should have learned of this earlier. But from that moment on, I began to worry. Am I going to send the wrong message with this piercing? I later googled meanings of nose-piercings (probably what I should have done first, but it definitely means more now) and found that the right side of the nose can mean "sacred." And for me, this has increased my desire to have this nose ring mean something. The process is sacred. Growing closer to the Lord is sacred. Shedding off sinful thoughts and habits is sacred. Especially because it is God who does that, not me.

So yes, I got my nose pierced. Not something that normally is characteristic of me. But I do want striving to be loving, gracious, accepting, authentic and God-pleasing to be characteristic of me. And now when I look in the mirror, may I be reminded of those desires to love God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and all my strength. And maybe it will be a little bit cute and fun and cool too...

On the move...

Gretzinger's Grand Haven

We went to my sister, Dana's house for Easter. We had fun with her family and felt like we were able to have some sweet, quality time with them.

Thanks for sharing the weekend with us - you have a beautiful life and ministry in Grand Haven and we are excited to watch God work in all 5 of you. We love you Dana, Jimmy, Jamie, Charlie and Scout.

Happy 1st Birthday Ava Grace!

So we decided to wait until our Family Birthday Party/Dedication for Ava to experience her first taste of cake. But Birthdays are too special to go by without some kind of yummy treat... so Ava enjoyed her first donut today on her first birthday.




Ava - we love you so much. We thank God for you - for who He made you to be and all the light that shines in your eyes. You are so fun and full of spunk and we are thrilled to be a part of your life. We are committed to love and teach you all we know about the Creator of Life and Love. We pray you'll be open to His pursuit of you and that you will know the peace and love and joy that only God can give.

"[We] want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God's great mystery. All the richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge are embedded in that mystery and nowhere else." - Colossians 2:2-3 (The Message)