What it takes to be a Mommy...

This is something I have long thought about, "prepared" for the best I knew how - and yet, I'm still learning each and every day what it really takes to be a Mommy... It goes so much deeper than any relationship I've known, beyond words, beyond expression. I love my husband with everything in me, but the love I have for Riley is different - and I can't even explain it. The weight of my love for Riley is heavy and while I'm constantly learning what that means, I'm humbled by it.

And yet, even with this amazing love, there are good days and bad days, frustration and joy. In my analytical mind, I've thought of these things that to me, begin to define motherhood; things that are not just endured, but somehow appreciated and cherished:

• Getting up as many times as needed during the night, even if just for a comforting pat on the back or the affirmation that I'm there and somehow having the God-given patience and grace to go through the day without feeling sleepy
• Comforting a snotty-nosed, watery eyed, spit-up smelling boy as he reaches up and pulls me in for an open-mouthed kiss
• Trying to eat dinner with one hand because I've been away from Riley all day and we both just want to be as close as possible for a few minutes more, even at the most inconvenient times
• Being the one to take over when he's at his worst, crying his hardest and yet somehow finding the grace and joy to comfort
• Letting any glimpse of frustration melt away in seconds by observing toothless grins and smiley eyes directed at me
• Holding Riley's hands so that he can stand and dance, watching him squeal with glee and excitement - just at being big enough to stand and do something on his own - seeing that he's already excited to no longer needing to be held. The process of letting go begins even now as I let him be him
• Reading to him at bedtime, watching him cuddle into me as I hold him tight, singing and sharing smiles and hugs
• Seeing his excitement the next morning as Mommy or Daddy enter the room, ready to do the same routines as the day before, but loving each repetitive moment

Despite any ounce of frustration and doubt of lost me-time and/or freedom, there is nothing like being a Mommy. The picture of God's love for me has grown and deepened. The idea of grace is refreshed each day as I see my own selfishness and sinfulness. The appreciation for my husband, who loves me so well and loves Riley in such tangible, real ways is humbling and rejuvinating.

Sometimes I've fought the thoughts of feeling that so many parts of my life have been hard... or should I say just not easy. And then I experience the love and respect and appreciation I have for Ryan and the adoration and contentment and joy I have in being Riley's mom... and well, I realize that while God may bless each of us differently and on different levels, I am indeed blessed.




Thank you, Lord, for my boys. I give them back to you and pray You'll give me grace upon grace in how I love and show love. You are so good to me...